Lordy, Lordy, wait….I’m 40?!?


March 23, 2013 by serverscorned

It’s my 40th birthday. I’m officially old and bitter. When did that happen? The old part…I’ve been bitter for years. If I live to be 80 then I’m technically in the back nine of my years. What the hell? I’m hoping there’s been some sort of mistake on my birth certificate. Maybe I was a really smart kid and my parents wanted to send me to school early so they had my birth certificate forged. Nevermind the fact that I didn’t graduate high school. I was just so much more mature than my classmates that I couldn’t bare to stay in school with them so I got my GED and headed off to community college to be with my intellectual equals. Nevermind that I withdrew failed in my first semester and never went back. I mean really, I was too smart for school. Yeah, that’s it. I needed life experience. Enter my career in the restaurant business.

I’ve worked all kinds of waiting table gigs. From corporate to fine dining to mom and pop ventures, I’ve done it all. My current home away from home is a casual individually owned pizzeria and craft beer taproom where I’ve been a force to reckoned with for 17 years now. 17 years! That’s crazy talk! I started there when I was 23. This place has stolen my youth. I’ll never get it back. And what do I have to show for it? A bunch of angst and neurotic tendencies. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been all bad. In fact, I’ve had some really great times and met some really great people. This job has outlasted my marriage and countless friendships. My dad once asked me (about 10 years ago now) when I was going to look for something more permanent. Well dad, I don’t know how much more permanent you want from me. 17 years is the longest I’ve stuck with anything. That’s got to count for something right?

It’s Saturday, and even though it’s my birthday, I’ll be working. Anyone who’s served for any real length of time knows you don’t take a weekend night off for something so trivial as a silly little birthday. We servers are whores for the almighty dollar and I’m certainly no exception. I could’ve taken tonight off. As head wait I make the schedule. But I wouldn’t enjoy myself because I would just think about all the money I wasn’t making. And besides, weekends are the worst time to go out. Not to mention, I had to take last Saturday off (St. Pats weekend) for a dear friend’s (see bitch who cost me over $200) wedding. I mean really, who has a wedding on the Saturday before St. Paddy’s and invites industry people?

Anyway, it’s official. I’m old. Oddly enough I don’t feel that old. I don’t even think I look 40, though that could be some sort of psychological image distortion thingy. I tried to think about things in my life that are older than me. It’s a short list but here goes:

My dog. He’s 15 in people years but technically he’s like 105 in dog years. He’s my geriatric life partner.

My TV. Ok it might not really be that old but it’s pretty ancient.

2 of my coworkers. These guys are freaking OLD! They are respectively 41 and 44, but 41 dude is on dialysis for crying out loud, and 44 dude looks like an old leather shoe with a drinking problem.

Several of my family members, including my dad and several aunts and uncles. All of whom I remember their 40th birthdays and thinking how old they were.

Yep. That’s about it. I guess getting older beats the alternative. For now. But when I get to the age of having one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel I hope someone will take me out. I have no desire to drive a jazzy scooter, play bingo, watch reruns of Matlock, or talk about “the good old days”. Considering how ornery I already am I’m sure by the time I get there I’ll be so insufferable there will be no shortage of people willing to kink my oxygen hose or smother me with a pillow. Some of those people might even include my customers.

Happy birthday to me.


2 thoughts on “Lordy, Lordy, wait….I’m 40?!?

  1. hush now, I turned 43 the day before. old is when you turned 25 and they let you rent a convertible, I mean really if you trust me with a convertible i’m done, i’m no longer a threat to anyone, game over. ps you raised an awesome kid.

  2. LinaMlr25 says:

    My mother is turning 40 this friday (April 5th) and she keeps talking about how old she is and/or feels. I just want to tell her the same thing I have to say to you. You seem to be a wonderful woman with a wonderful personality. You have a drive to live and strive to keep going. You have made it 40 years and (from what i read on imgur) have a great child to thank those years for. Take your 40th birthday by the balls and tell it you arent going to let it keep you down with its words of being old and show everyone what a 40 year old can really do!!!

    Im just going on faith here given the fact that I will be 23 this year and my mother is turning 40 this week, that you have a lot in common with her just from that experience alone. The difference is that I spent a lot of my teen years taking care of her. She was in a wheel chair for 5 of it. And is now disabled. Before that she worked in various movie stores and restaurants working her ass off to take care of me and I ended up taking care of her. She is still happy because she raised me to succeed and push for what I want. We never take anything for granted because we didnt have much to take for granted. She would love to be in your shoes and be able to work on her birthday, regardless of the job. I guess long story short, all I have to say is Happy Birthday you!!! Keep writing these wonderful things for me to read. Im sure she will love them too.

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