What fucking dressing?!?

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April 7, 2013 by serverscorned

At my restaurant we offer salads on our menu. I think this is fairly common as I’ve been to many restaurants myself and almost all of them have some sort of salad option. Usually a few options. So why is it that whenever anyone orders a salad I have to ask them what dressing they want? The response I get to this question always starts with the look of surprise/bewilderment of the person who clearly never even thought about dressing. Why? Do you not want dressing? Oh, yes you do. Then why the hell did you not consider that? You want a specific dressing in fact. What the fuck did you think was going to happen? The dressing fairy would whisper in my ear your particular dressing preference? Unless you’re ordering a Caesar salad which comes with its intended caesar dressing then you are going to need to tell me what fucking dressing you want!

So, you didn’t think about the dressing. Great. So I ask. The next thing that happens is you want to know what dressings we offer. Oh, they are listed on the menu but as you never thought about it of course you didn’t read them. So I rattle them off for the millionth time in my life. Sometimes I even point them out on the menu as I recite them so you can process what the fuck I’m saying to you. Ranch is not an option. I didn’t say it and you didn’t read it. Yet inevitably you try to order it. I am now plotting your untimely death.

I, unlike some of my coworkers, will advise you on the closest option to your preference. I do this because I think it’s important for you to know what you will be getting. I also do this for the unfortunate soul that runs your salad to you. We don’t have Italian dressing so I tell you the closest we have is a vinaigrette. That way when the food runner brings it and asks “who had the salad with vinaigrette” you will take ownership of said salad. Sadly, some of my fellow servers are not so consciencous and will simply nod their heads when you say you want ranch knowing full well that you will be getting something else. Or worse, they don’t take the annoying time to ask you what dressing and just “assign” you one. Poor food runner is now stuck with the task of deciphering which salad belongs to whom, and letting you know that you are not getting the dressing you wanted. Many times they have to go get you an alternative dressing because the one you were “assigned” is not to your liking. I hate it when servers don’t take the extra steps no matter how annoying those steps may be.

Of course all of this could be solved if you would just read the fucking menu. Thoroughly. You read it enough to know which salad you wanted but you stopped there. This also applies to your side options with your meal. If I had a nickel for every time I rattled off the sides I’d be loaded. The worst is when I have to say them to each individual as I go around your table. Pay attention! And no, fries were not an option. Again, I didn’t say it and you won’t find them anywhere on the menu you chose not to read.

It may seem like a petty thing I’m bitching about here but when I have to take the time to do this with each individual at each different table the time adds up. I’ve got shit to do besides hold your hand and walk you through the menu. When you are busy as a server seconds count. So please do us all a favor and when you order a salad just be prepared and tell me…

What fucking dressing!

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